Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
