do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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