fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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