You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I believe in your delicious
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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