so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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