im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
