Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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