just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
