She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
