Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
