why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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