Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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