Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I need a beard to bite.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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