My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
