everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
