So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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