A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
