Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
