...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
