either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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