false alarm. still invincible.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
