I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Someone came in the potted fern
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
