found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
