I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
