there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
