My first STD was from a foam party
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Boobs speak an international language.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
