lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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