I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
