my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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