so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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