Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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