i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
