direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
