My brain says no but my pants say off.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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