I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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