I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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