I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
