Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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