I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
