My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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