So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
