Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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