and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
