I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
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