some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
