ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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