margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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