Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
