i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
