Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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